Our communicating science class reminded me of a Facebook post I came across about a month ago, “20 PhD students dumb down their thesis for us.” Here are some of my favorites:
1. Does music express emotions or just elicit them? Read the next 200 pages to not find out.
2. Girls take birth control. Girls then pee out unmetabolized estrogens from birth control. Pee goes to water treatment plant, estrogens not treated, male fish become female fish.
6. Computer AI systems can learn to operate a warp drive and automatically build an instructional system to train people how to do it. My dissertation is probably the only one in existence to reference the Star Trek technical manual.
8. Making new magnets from old magnets because we’re running out of magnets.
9. Inpatients with schizophrenia are happier and socialize more in the context of a music listening group. It was obvious before we began the project and we learned nothing.
10. Little things stick together. Here’s a slightly easier way to calculate their stickiness.
12. We can take random pieces of bacterial DNA from beaver poop and put them into other bacteria to discover new things, like how to break wood down into biofuels. Yes, I had to dissect dead beavers and handle their poop.
16. I can make models of galaxies in a computer, but I can’t explain why they don’t act like real ones. Even if I bash them together or stir them around.
18. Sand washes away, don’t build important stuff on it
Mine would be: streams grow in length when it’s wet and shrink when it’s dry (duh). Streams expand and contract differently in different places. I know this, because I spent many hours looking at streams while tripping over rhododendron and cursing in the woods.
What would yours be?