“Self-awareness is more useful for sophisticated self-congratulation than for readiness to go out onto that unknown plain with the Red Crosse Knight, Una, the dwarf, and the donkey.” <dripping with the sarcasm accordant any devout curator/champion/nomad of the meta-level>
I have found that blogging with the frequency we discussed in vtclis12 class is very difficult for me. At the surface, we could call it an excuse for a busy life (like we all have). Or, we could say that I’m disinterested, un-reflective, unwilling to apply anything in my life. Rather, I find it an interesting, somewhat unique but infinitely familiar foray into my own mind and approach to interacting with the world…
I think a lot. I am passionate about many things. I am a determined puzzle-piece-putter-together. But, I often feel like I am on the verge of the insight that just won’t come. Like I have a story to tell, or something to share… but that I just need to pull one last piece together before I can tell it. The word articulate to me is this gypsy of a verb. I have a lot of things to say, but I just don’t want to say them until they sound just right in my head. <classic introvert?>
So – blogging to me, is this beautifully messy space where ideas and connections can be tried out. As an educator, I love that. For me personally, I find it eternally frustrating (in an incredibly healthy way), because it requires me to spit things out before I’m ready. To invite feedback and collaboration before I’ve “solved the problem” or “solidified my opinion” or “wrapped my head around the interpretation.”
It has been and will continue to be one of those beautifully karmic bite-you-in-your-butt things. I value messy ideas and the space to create them. I value how collective reflection or exploration can affect individual meaning-making. I value disruptive, uncomfortable experiences so long as they are done in a safe environment. I believe that our knowledge, emotions, and actions need to be dynamic, intentional processes. And I “hate” that all of these values are the perfect intrinsic justification for me needing to blog more often when I’d rather stay within my comfort zone. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
What are you learning about yourself while blogging?
Would you say the medium is shaping your cognitive process?
I very much understand where you’re coming from with the whole idea of not wanting to put your ideas down before you’re ready. For my acting class, we basically had to write out pages of handwritten work trying to convey the essence of who our character is. One of the requirements was having chances and editing visible when you turn it in. I found this extremely frustrating. Why would I want to change 20 pages of work that took me well over 10 hours to do? Obviously I did it best the first time I did it. So, when I read your blog I made that connection-that it’s very hard to edit yourself and express yourself both at the same time. When I’m blogging, I tend to just type exactly what’s coming to mind at that very minute. Sometimes I’ll read back through what I’ve read and be like wait..what was I saying? But, I rarely change it unless it’s a spelling error because I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that this particular blog is more about just that-expressing exactly what you think. no editing needed. And I kindof prefer that to the acting scenario where the medium that I turn in (being my 20 pages of handwritten words coupled with scribbles, cross throughs, additions, and subtractions all in a messy fashion) makes me seem messy and disorganized. At least in this fashion it’s understood that a blog is kind of synonimous with being casual and very organic. No judging here! (Mainly why I enjoy this class so much)