What motivates me?

Motivation is very inconsistent for me. Sometimes it’s substantial, and sometimes it’s bountyless. What consistently motivates me is my passions for the things I lovemath, neuroscience, music. However, they’re also like a double-edged sword. Sometimes I can become too obsessed with my passions, in which case I lose motivation for the other things I could normally do. This is when I’m most stressed—there’s this awful dissonance between being able to learn all these things about my passions but struggle to get by in other things. There is a counterattack to this, albeit, not the best one: the other thing that motivates me is loss. I don’t want to lose and I especially don’t want to fail, so I fight back against my passions in order to keep myself in check. I also especially don’t want to lose the people I care about, because I don’t know where I’d be without them. This is all very depressing sounding, but there is a flip side to thismy motivation to keep on going. I want to see where life takes me, or more specifically, I want to see where I take myself. Also, feeling sad kind of sucks.