I’m getting ready to return to Tech, and while everyone else is talking about ‘coming home’ to Tech, I’m unsure. I can’t tell if I’m coming home or leaving it.
My guess is that this is a side effect of my relationship with my parents. While I can say that for the last week, where I have had almost literally nothing to do outside of my house (The Fault In Our Stars event was a welcome exception), I’ve been bored to tears… I miss my parents. I miss hanging out with them and talking to them about stuff. And while I miss everyone and everything at Tech as well, I can help but feel sad that I won’t be coming back here for a couple of months.
Another theory: It’s a matter of perspective. Right now, I’m looking at the world through the eyes of a teenager who really has no clue what’s going on. I have to get my butt in gear this semester to make the grade, get a job, and not eff up everything I touch. That’s terrifying. I have to grow up a little bit this semester and part of me is screaming “I’m not ready! This is too much!”
It’s not, of course. I know it’s not; the only reason I need a job is to save up for study abroad. I need to make the grades to stay in the HRC, but I was .04-.08 GPA point things away, so I am well aware that if I manage my time well, I can make the grade. I think I mostly just miss being a kid.
For some reason I have this weird feeling that I didn’t make the most out of childhood. It’s probably a feeling everyone gets at some point, so I’m just ahead of the game I suppose. So I try to make the most of every minute I’m home, but I am well aware that I didn’t really accomplish that task, either. So mostly, I theorize that my conflicted thoughts of home have to do with how I spend my time, which I don’t think I do well at all.
So, I’m going to start packing tomorrow – don’t forget your alarm this time, oh and your phone charger, maybe I should bring some cards? – and getting ready to spend my first spring semester at Home #2. I’m going to find time to do everything I want to, and spend my time wisely on things that are worth my time…with the occasional break for video games and tea. Oh, the boxes of tea I am bringing back.
And perhaps, at some point, home won’t be as mysterious a concept to me.