the new newsletter that the community is putting out every week is going to be great! Here is something that i wrote for the second issue!

State Lines

Virginia Tech was engaged in a study of permanence or life cycle for certain mammals and recently refined their study to a singular species of purposeful porpoise, which they studied from their floating field station on the coast of Madagascar. It is thought that, if fed with a particular amount of amino acids, this particular porpoise could, in theory, live forever.

To put this hypothesis to the scientific method, they studied the world’s animals and plants to ascertain if any naturally occurring organism would fit the bill. They finally narrowed the selection down to an unusual species of mynah (pronounced “mina”) bird, and they sent a team of undergraduates to gather a specimen.

It turns out that the mynah bird under study was absurdly rare, living only in a single tree in Kenya. The undergrads finally arrived at the tree to capture a bird, only to find that the tree was surrounded by a posse of very hungry, hungry lions, eliminating any reasonable attempt to approach and climb the treacherous tree.

A suggestion was made that the lions might be manageable if they could be fed, and a couple of fat cape buffalo were captured and offered to the lions as a ritual sacrifice. The hungry lions devoured the hapless beasts and lay down upon the grass to digest their meal.

One of the researchers then gingerly tiptoed past the lying lions, climbed the tree, and had little difficulty capturing one of the mynah birds. He climbed back down the tree and walked past the lying lions to rejoin the group when a game warden appeared and arrested him for (what else)…

“Transporting mynahs across sated lions for immortal porpoises.”

Ken says “You should know better than to transport mynahs”


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